Detectives and Criminals
by Haruhi-sama
Summary: Eliza Crawford O.C  meets Consulting Detective Sherlock Holmes. Stuff ensues...  don't blame me, I haven't figured it out yet!
1. Clients and confusion

Twirling a pen around in her left hand, Eliza couldn't help but smirk as she stared out of her livingroom window at the world beneath her. SHe couldn't help but find them all completely ridiculous. Running around, doing ordinary things in their ordinary little lives. It was so funny… so cute… so adorable. They just did what they thought they had to and went on with life… SO adorable. Bringing the pen up to her lips, she bit down on the top of the pen as she watched a blonde-haired man rush by the gate of her house and head down to the nearest bus stop. He'd dropped a sheet of a paper right outside of her gate, that stupid man. His scraps of pointless rubbish was lodged within the metal of her precious gate. Grumbling, she pulled the pen from her mouth and spat out the small shards of plastic that had come apart between her teeth.

**"… are you even listening to me?"**

Eliza turned around slowly, staring at the person who was sat in her living room with a mix of confusion and anger before her eyes softened.** "Oh… sorry. Da—Dazed off… Yes. You were saying that your husband is cheating on you, that you know the woman that he is doing so with and you want me to get rid of her for you."** Eliza quickly rattled off, rolling her eyes as she tapped the pen against the window sill behind her. **"I can't do it. _So-rry_."** She smiled, ending on a very sarcastic sing-song apology before waving her hand in the woman's direction. Dismissal. She didn't need these stupid people wasting her time.

**"But— but you haven't—-"**

**"Firstly - the woman you want me to kill has been having sex with your husband as often as I have. If I killed her, it would be a waste of bullets and a waste of my time because you'll still have an unfaithful husband and a whore that he's seeing on the side."** Eliza stated simply, cutting the protesting middle-aged woman off before she had properly begun to speak in protest. **"Secondly - if I were to help you in getting rid of said whore, I'd have to kill your brother and I have a feeling you wouldn't want that to happen due to your lovely relationship with him."** She smiled once more, another sarcastic smile and another sarcastic apology. **"_So-rry_, but you are wasting my time. Goodbye."** She didn't care about the woman and her brother, nor the husband or the very sexy thing that she'd thought that he'd been cheating with. In all honesty, the husband and brother had already been assassinated, the sexy thing had been contacted and sent to Eliza's 'hideout' in the east of town, and the woman was going to die soon anyway. She was diagnosed with cancer so killing her wasn't much of a problem, Eliza just had to slip the right doctor the right amount of money and he'd continue on from there.

Watching the woman leave in a shocked and a disgusted huff, Eliza followed her through the hallway and waited until the front door shut before raising her middle finger with a look of complete anger. Everyone was so boring. Knowing everyone's business made her business no fun. There was no shock. No surprise. No thrill to the kill. It was just too…. simple. Too ordinary.

Jumping as a knock on the door sounded, Eliza stared at the shadow for a moment before storming over and wrenching it open. She'd just sent the woman away! Her nose wriggled with irritation, rising a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose as she swung the door open and held onto it so hard that she was sure her knuckles were already white.** "Listen to me, you old ha-a—- you aren't Miss Ludgard."** She frowned, eyes scanning this person before her as she let her grip on the door loosen. She stopped scanning and finally her gaze rested on the bright blue orbs that stared back at her.

**"Well noted."** The blue-eyed man said simply… dryly. Looking her up and down, he smiled a little smugly as he gazed over her attire. **"Nice coat. May I come in? Your next client won't be arriving for another half an hour and I've already freed Miss Pender from your apartment block on the east side so you can't tell me you're busy."** He hadn't even waited for an answer, brushing past Eliza and entering her house without a seconds thought, speaking all the while. Eliza slowly closed the door, her eyes on this bizarre man as she twisted the lock and removed the key. Biting back the want to snap at this person, She took in a deep breath before speaking.** "I would love to know how you know my schedule and how you know the whereabouts of my apartments—"**

**"So I was right. Thank you."** He smirked, flipping his phone over in his hand and clicking a few buttons before slipping it back into his pocket. **"The car was last seen heading through the town centre so I guessed the direction, thank you for being ridiculously easy to fool."**

Eliza growled slightly, watching the man react as his phone beeped annoyingly before placing it back into his pocket with a small chuckle. **"It is taking all of my will power to not slice your head from your shoulders right now."** She snarled through gritted teeth. All she wanted to do right now was taking clumps of this smarmy bastard's black hair and rip them from his scalp. He was irritating and not in the usual way, this was a different irritation. This was almost… enjoyable.

**"Well, you probably shouldn't be holding back. In a few minutes, the police will be ransacking your apartments, taking back your hostage and placing papers on a double homicide."**

**"… Triple. It should be triple."** Eliza corrected, taking another deep breath as she tried to keep her mind straight and calm. **"Though, the possibility of a fourth is very high."**

**"Oh you _are_ funny."** The man laughed. His laughter sounded so refined, so charming… and yet, here it was… being used to mock her. It made her blood boil. Eliza's eye twitched slightly as they finally stopped walking and reached the living room. The man had already strolled over to her fireplace and begun to examine her skull, something that confused her slightly. People usually got freaked out by her skull, they didn't stand there and look at it like it was some amazing art piece. **"You say I'm funny and yet you're the one admiring my skull."** Eliza moved over to her seat by the fireplace and sat down, staring up at the man as he turned his eyes to focus on her. Moving a hand out, Eliza motioned to the seat across from her own. **"You can sit down."**

The man did as he was told, his eyes still fixed on her as he sunk into the chair. Knitting his fingers together, he stared at her over them and smiled once more.** "Your skull reminds me a lot of my own. Except, I have mine on the other side of the mantelpiece."** He told her, his tone of voice had changed slightly from what it had been before. It had previously been critical, almost as if he was looking down on her but now, now he was speaking to her like one would speak to a friend. It was… weird, but interesting.

**"Mine is called Jeffrey."**

**"I never thought to name mine. I probably should."** He mused, moving his hands down to rest on his folded legs. Eliza found his eyes piercing, like he was staring into her soul and trying to figure her out. It was so very… interesting.

**"So… the police. Are they really coming here to arrest me?"** Eliza asked.

**"I never said they were, did I? All I said was that they were writing papers about the double homicide that took place.**" His smile made her stomach feel uneasy, she didn't know why. There was something about this man that made her feel so ill at ease. **"Are you admitting to having a hand in those murders?"**

Eliza couldn't help but smile herself. **"How could I have? I've been here with my clients all morning. My last client, however, informed me of another death… which makes it a triple."** She told him with a grin. **"I assumed, if you have close ties to the police, that you would file a report against me. I mean, I did just threaten to make the police report that bit more lengthy by killing you. Though, a simple threat, nothing more."**

**"That's a shame.**" He sighed, feigning disappointment. **"I always love a good old attempt on my life. Makes lunch that much more appetising when you've just been shot at, you know?**"

Eliza chuckled, shaking her head in complete and utter shock. This man was bizarre. She liked him…


	2. Deductions and Introductions

Pouring tea out for herself into her rinsed-out beaker, Eliza sunk into her seat as she watched the man take up the one proper cup in her house and begin to sip on the tea she had poured for him. Raising the beaker to her lips, she blew on the contents lightly before taking a small gulp.** "So… guessing from your attitude, your close relationship with the police and your high intellect… you're a detective?"**

**"Consulting detective. The only one in the world. I invented the job."**

**"What does that mean?"**

**"It means whenever the police are out of their depth — which is always — they consult me."**

**"They consult you? But the police don't consu—"**

**"I'm not an amateur."** The consulting detective answered quickly, not even allowing Eliza to finish.

Eliza couldn't help but frown, moving forward in her seat as she stared at this bizarre man. Her lips parted into a toothy smile as she looked over his features, her eyes glittering with joy as if she'd just figured something out that she'd been puzzled over for quite some time. **"You are so very interesting, has anyone mentioned that before?"**

The consulting detective's eyebrows arched, staring at Eliza as if she'd just said that he had two heads. **"No.**" He responded quietly, placing his cup down on the table by his side before leaning forward to match Eliza's position. **"Most people don't comment on how interesting I may be."**

**"What do they usually say then?"**

A smile crept across the blue-eyed man's face, his lips curling as he began to laugh. **"Piss off."**

Eliza chuckled in response, taking another sip from her beaker before setting it down beside the cup. **"Yeah, I get the same reaction too."** She told him, twirling the handle of the detective's cup so that it faced towards the arm of the chair he was sat in. **"People don't like to meet a woman who knows everything about their business, yet won't care for what she knows."**

**"And why do you know everything about their business, may I ask?"**

**"-because that's my job. Knowing people's business is my business. If I didn't know their business, then I wouldn't be able to help them."**

**"Help them with what?"**

Eliza shook her head, straightening up in her seat and tugging on the collar of her coat as she did so. **"You already know what."**

**"You're a consulting criminal."** He stated simply, picking up the cup of tea and finishing the tea off. Looking over the rim of the cup, he cocked his head to the side. **"Correct me if I'm wrong, though I rarely am."**

**"Well…"** Eliza began, frowning in thought as she locked eyes with him. **"I've never called myself that but I guess… it's better than 'woman for hire' because that makes me sound like a prostitute, it also has a better ring to it than 'ringleader of a group of highly-trained assassins, hackers and thieves'. Yes, you would call me a consulting criminal, I figure."**

He placed the now-empty cup on the table before standing up, Eliza followed suit. Keeping her gaze locked on his, they stared at each other for what felt like hours. He was staring at her with a look of confusion, something she found very enjoyable. She confused him? Well, he confused her too. His hands were shaking, his eyes cold, his gaze fixed in concentration, his mind was obviously clocking in overtime as he tried to figure her out. She was doing the same, attempting to figure out what type of a person he was and how he ticked. All bad habits, all good habits, all grooming habits, all bedside manners... she wanted to know it all. Eliza noticed the tension in him watched him, which lessened the tension in her own body. Was she really that hard to figure out? **"Your hands are shaking and you seem quite tense. Smoker who is in need of a fix, though the slight discolouration of your teeth could have told me that you were a smoker without me even having to notice your hands. D****o you want one? I have a packet sitting behind the skull."** She said, breaking the silence.

**"I noticed them when I was studying your skull, but you don't seem to be a smoker…"** He noted with a frown. Eliza's lip twitched as he said that she didn't seem like a smoker. Well, she wasn't. Not really. It was only when she was stressed that she smoked and she was rarely stressed. **"You are, though, a fan of the drink. Whiskey mostly."** It was Eliza's turn to frown, which got a smiling response from the detective as he was proven right by her immediate glance towards the kitchen. Spinning around, he moved towards the window Eliza had previously been stood at, a wide grin on his face and a ring in his voice that reminded Eliza of a child on their birthday.**"The only window that isn't covered is the one facing outwards to the street. You like to observe others, but without them observing you. You view yourself as a higher power than them, that's why you say that your business is knowing their business. You have a god complex and-"**

**"And you like to try and show off your great observational skills to make others feel stupid."** Eliza butted in with a roll of her eyes, moving over to the skull and pulling the packet of cigarettes from behind it. Opening the top, she hit the bottom and offered the now risen cigarette to the detective.** "Have a smoke, sit down and shut up."**

**"You can't criticise my show of observation when you just flaunted your own by concluding that I smoke." **  
><strong>"To be honest, I figured that out the second you entered my house. Now take the cigarette or suffer me smoking in front of you." <strong>Eliza threatened, tapping the box once more as if to tempt him. Watching him slide the thin stick out of its packet, she retracted her arm and took out a cigarette for herself. Slipping her hand into her pocket, she pulled out her lighter and flicked it open but, as she did so, she noticed - her cigarette was already lit. Looking over at the Detective, she nodded a thanks before placing her own lighter back in her pocket. Inhaling deeply, she couldn't help but shiver with satisfaction.  
><strong>"Casual smoker, I figure."<br>"Smoker who only lights one up when she's stressed, more like it."  
>"And why, may I ask, are you<strong> **stressed?"**  
>Eliza tapped the end of her cigarette over her fireplace, staring at him with a small smile.<strong> "I have a man in my house whom I don't know the name of. As someone who has a 'god complex', not knowing who you are really drives me up the wall."<br>**Smiling now, the detective exhaled with laugh.** "The name is Sherlock** **Holmes."**  
>Reaching her free hand out for Sherlock to take, Eliza smiled. He took in carefully, shaking it once before letting go as if he'd just been electrocuted. <strong>"Eliza Crawford, a pleasure to meet you." <strong>


	3. Observation and Discussion

Twirling around in her seat, Eliza smiled with delight as she switched through her TV screens. The CCTV footage of the surrounding area of her apartment was currently boring. Nothing interesting. Only boring. Constantly Boring.  
>BORING. BORING. BORED.<br>Frustratedly flicking the channel onto the news reports, Eliza leaned back into her office chair slightly and kept it steady as she licked her lips lightly. Triple Suicide, no note except for the latest. She could already guess who had orchestrated that one. Finally, she clicked the buttons once more and threw them to the floor. The CCTV footage outside of Baker Street flickered onto the screen, the glittering numbers 221B visible from this angle. It had been over a month since she'd met Holmes, and he'd already become more interesting. He had obtained a live-in pet, he had gained a companion. An ordinary little army doctor with a cute obsession with jumpers.  
>Suddenly, the door was wrenched open and the beautiful figure she had been waiting for bounded outside with a skip in his step. <strong>"The Game is on, I see."<strong> Eliza muttered to herself, watching the limping doctor follow Sherlock to the edge of the path as they called for a cab. Pausing the feed as the taxi pulled up, she quickly removed her phone and tapped in the license plate number before returning the feed to its original time. As the cab sped out of sight and the area of 221B Baker Street went silent once more, Eliza's lip curled into a dark grin as a map loaded onto her phone. Rising from her seat, she quickly grabbed her coat as she examined the map. Throwing it on, she opened the door of her living room and headed towards the front door.

The clicking of her heels was covered up by the screeching tyres of the car she had taken to get here, which greatly aided her as she moved within the shadows of a nearby building and watched from afar the police from Scotland Yard scoff Sherlock as he hopped over the _'DO NOT CROSS'_ tape and rushed away from the scene of the crime. She could already identify the few officers dotted around - Lestrade wasn't one of them, which made her smile. He was obviously taking a good deal of time trying to work out whatever Sherlock had just figured out. Poor simple-minded fool... Eliza moved closer to the building, staring at the spectacular image as the large coat billowed out behind the ebony-haired man who was running... right... for her... Looking behind her for something to duck behind, she skidded down the dark alleyway and out of sight as he bolted towards the large skip that was just blocking her from his view. Eliza was highly confused but couldn't help but be amazed as she watched him stop before the skip, gaze back at the position of the police cars, and then shrug his coat to the floor.  
>Having to stifle a chuckle as Sherlock suddenly swung himself into the skip and began to rummage through the mess, Eliza watched him for a moment before turning her gaze to the coat that lay on the floor nearby. He was searching for a missing clue in the case, obviously. Something big and out of place for him to be able to tell what it is he is looking for, but something that no one else is smart enough to figure out. That man was brilliant and amazing and beautiful and perfect in every form of the word! He was amazing and wonderful and his coat was lying inches away from her...<br>Crouching down as he continued to throw useless bags of rubbish and discarded food to the side, Eliza slowly scooted over into the light and reached out to grasp the end of his coat. The coat was still warm from having been on him, something she found enjoyable. Pulling it over to her silently, she gathered it up in her arms and shoved her hand into the pockets, frowning as she did so.  
>She hadn't expected him to have removed it... She heard a change in pace as Sherlock rummaged and rolled her eyes. Moving the coat up to her face, she lightly sniffed it.<strong> "Smoking again, Mister Holmes? I'm sure Watson isn't happy about that."<strong> She finally said, rising from her spot on the floor as the rummaging stopped.  
><strong>"I didn't think you'd show your position, Crawford. You were doing so well at hiding... if you were hiding from an idiot, of course."<strong>  
><strong>"You removed your phone from your coat before discarding it. No point keeping hidden when what I want isn't there."<strong> Eliza shrugged, flinging the coat over her outstretched arm as she did so so it hung nicely upon her.** "Did you see me over here before you ran over, by any chance? Or did you just spot me after deciding to come to this alleyway first?"**  
><strong>"The tinted car that I recognised from outside of your apartment tipped me off. You really shouldn't have let me see you arrive-"<strong>  
><strong>"-but how else would I have been able to get close to you without your little puppy tagging along?"<strong> Eliza asked, moving to the skip and gazing into it for a moment before looking back at Sherlock.** "Pair of shoes? Purse? Handbag?"**  
><strong>"Pink suitcase, actually."<strong> Sherlock told her, swinging himself out of the skip and landing a few metres away from her.  
><strong>"Let me guess - colour coordinated clothing, obvious markings of splashback on clothes, yet no case nearby to cause the markings?"<strong>  
><strong>"Precisely."<strong>

Eliza moved her hand out to Sherlock, offering him his coat back as she looked at him.** "You should dump that dog of yours and let me live with you instead."**  
>The sudden snatch of the coat made Eliza flinch slightly, not expecting him to react with any form of emotion as he stared at her. Locking her gaze with his, she could already tell that she had hit a nerve. <strong>"Oh... you like your little dog? That's a shame. I was hoping I could finish what those soldiers had started and shoot him where it mattered."<strong> She laughed, but her laughter died out as Sherlock threw on his coat before turning his back on her, walking out of the alleyway and away from her. Eliza frowned, following him for a few steps before frowning. **"I wouldn't harm your little pet, but you should be careful. Other people might."**

**"Goodbye, Miss Crawford."**  
><strong>"Caring about someone is a bad idea, Sherlock. They'll use it against you."<strong>  
><strong>"I said Goodbye, Eliza."<strong> Sherlock's voice sharply spoke back as he disappeared around the corner and out of her sight. Unable to find the humour in this, she reached her hand into her pocket and removed her phone. That hadn't been any longer than 2 minutes.  
>Disappointing.<br>She had hoped she could hold his attention for a bit longer...  
>So Boring.<p> 


End file.
